May the road rise to meet you

Well... I am terrible at keeping up. 

So much has happened! I have been crazy busy these past few weeks, just figuring out life and living it. It's been a whirlwind.

School has finally begun to feel like home, which is certainly a relief after the first few weeks of being there. 

We've had our fair share of adventures: floor art night, white water rafting, Boomsday, farmers markets, late-night pizza, lots of The Office, volunteering, and so much more! 

. . .

And now I am finally home. It is strange to be here, I feel like I am in limbo, a little bit.

But things I love about being home:

FOOD. So much good food. All the time. 

Having my laundry done for me.

My awesome, hilarious, wonderful parents.

Actually seeing my brother.

Seeing and loving on this crazy kid:

(Missed her to death)

A bed that is full size and NOT lofted seven feet in the air. 

Couches.

Driving and singing at the top of my lungs.

Realizing why I loved growing up in Murfreesboro. 

. . .

You know, although I realize that a lot has changed in these past 6 weeks, I still feel like everything makes sense. 

So here's to fall, and all the glorious inspiration that comes with it. Here's to home and familiar faces, to hugs and lovin'. 

I'll be here when you wanna come back home

It's been rainy around here lately... 

Today's rainy day playlist:

know your roots- still time

blood- the middle east

holocene- bon iver

in the dirt- s. carey

white winter hymal- fleet foxes

funeral dress- william fitzsimmons

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Labor weekend was a grand one, despite the rain. My friend Em planned to come visit this weekend, and come, she did. And also, I got a surprise! Lauren! 

It's safe to say it was a fantastic weekend. 

A list...

First UT football game!

Lots and lots and LOTS of rain

Cuddling and hugs

Papa John's and movies

Boomsday!

Birthday ice cream cake

Lazy monday

and a few other crazy things

Say hello, say hello to a new beginning

I see the future in your eyes,

you seem so free,

like nothing's ever gonna keep you down.

So say goodbye say goodbye to the you I knew before,

say hello, say hello to a new beginning...

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It is no small secret that adjusting to being here has been a struggle for me. I mull and wonder about what things would have been like if things had turned out the way I thought they would back in February of this year. So although I wake up some mornings here, just as the sun is coming up, and I wonder.... why am I here? I hold on to a little ounce of hope that says there is a reason. I am not saying that I've completely come to terms with my presence here or that all my doubts have subsided, but I am beginning to see the new beginning. 

Today I woke up quite ill, having gotten little sleep. I even took two naps between classes today. I knew that I was expected to go directly from my French class to volunteer at Pond Gap Elementary for a volunteer outreach program I am involved in. I grudgingly made the walk over to the pick-up location, and I can gladly say it has been a wonderful afternoon full of promise. I learned about some very exciting, very plausible opportunities, and I got to mentor some great kids! Pond Gap is an elementary school full of kids from 23 different countries, all with home lives I can hardly imagine. A professor, his students, and many volunteers, have made Pond Gap into a full blown community service center including after school extracurriculars, learning, literacy classes for parents, free dinner for students and parents, and even circus classes! They are transforming a community by giving students an uplifting and educational opportunity to succeed. I got to meet so many awesome kids and teachers today! I can't wait to see where some of these opportunities lead. 

.  .  .

Not to mention I got to go for a bike ride and eat dinner with my brother tonight! 

Cheers for family time! 

This weekend is going to be a great one.

.  .  .

"There is a light that is coming for the heart that holds on"

Good Morning World

Have a happy day, and share the love.

say hello to a new beginning...

Say goodbye, say goodbye

to the you I knew before

Say hello, say hello to a new beginning

I see the future is in your eyes

You seem so free

Like nothing's ever gonna keep you down

.  .  .

Thank you  music for making my life. 

It's the little things that count, right?

Like my inspirational cough drop wrappers...

"Conquer today."

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Things I love:

speed-friending...second dinner...natesanders...blogging to save the world...

packages in the mail from my em... letters from my grandmother...

chocolate covered almonds... clarinet...

musical genius... new friends...

donald miller

N'dakasimba kana makasimbawo

P.S. Last night I got to see my lovelies :)

Missed you crazy kids

There is so much more.

.  .  .

I think I need this reminder every day. I need to post it above my head so when I wake up, I will never put my selfish thoughts before others.

Being away from the things I feel called to do, and the people I love certainly wears on me. It is no secret that if you'd asked me six months ago where I'd be today, it would certainly be far from here. 

So as I adjust to living out this current story in a meaningful way, I must remember that there is so much more. More than my wants and desires. More than this place. More than just going to class and living in a dorm. 

I've just got to figure out what "more" fits into this context. 

Oh the places you'll go...

A day of adventures indeed. Imani and I set out for the farmer's market around ten yesterday morning... After a peach slush, some delicious lunch at Tomato Head, and a nice conversation with Nate we decided to explore. We found a crepe shop, and let me tell you those crepes were delicious. We also saw The Help, which was a fantastic movie. 

I really needed those adventures to get my mind off of things.

 

 

 

However, the most important thing I did this weekend was make a list of goals. A tangible list of all the things I want this semester to be. 

So here goes nothing...

Shosholoza.

Talk about beautiful. 

Something easy: I think I have forced myself to get caught up in all the "doing" so that I wouldn't get caught up too much in the thinking. Because, in all honesty, when I do a lot of thinking I end up pretty sad and lonely. 

Something hard: not becoming consumed by wishing for the past to come back. 

No matter how hard you wish, no matter how many evenings stars you see, the past is the past. I think I have an especially hard time dealing with this concept. Because really, why does time have to pass at all? What distinguishes this moment from the next other than I don't know what the next moment holds for certain? 

Being here has been a lot of ups and downs. There are ups when I find new acquaintances, when I take a moment to appreciate the beauty in the world around me, when I'm laughing or joking around. But there are also downs: when I find myself alone in my dorm, when I lose acquaintances, when I think too much about all the lovely people I miss, and especially when I realize all those people are together and I am not there. Sadness will subside, and I will grow accustomed to life here, but I know I will always feel like I'm missing something, someone to hold and hug and love. 

But mostly I have realized that I don't want my college experience to embody what I have experienced in this week alone. I can wish all I want for the past to come back, but it won't. So here goes my attempt at shaping this semester, this experience here, into one that reflects who I am, and who I want to be. 

I'm not sure what that entails, but the only way to move is forward. 

So for now... Shosholoza. 

Keep moving forward.

And a few photos of the week according to my iPhone...

 

 
 

Volunteering: It's good for the soul. 

Yesterday morning I got the chance to work at a homeless shelter in Knoxville through a program called Big Day Out here on campus. We took a bus over there and organized their food pantry. Missioning without my youth group by my side made me realize a few things. First, how much all of you mean to me. And second, just how blessed we've been by the opportunities we have been given to serve. I can't imagine this summer without the four weeks I spent with some very, very special people, serving others. St. Louis, South Africa, and ReCre will always hold special places in my heart. Service is the single most fulfilling activity I've ever taken part in. It has given me purpose, and has blessed me with some of my very best friends. Thank the Lord for wonderful friends and unforgettable memories. 

I think volunteering yesterday helped me remember a little bit about who I am, even amongst all this new. But it made me miss all of you even more. 

Yesterday morning I was awoken by 5 police cars, three fire trucks, and the lovely fire alarm. 

Volunteering ftw.

Another first: my first cup of french press coffee! Thanks to Tanner and his oh-so-hip coffee. 

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Today was day one of classes! Let me tell you... it's been crazy. Aside from waking up at the crack of dawn, trekking up the hill before 8 a.m., and practically running to H.P.E.R. today, this moment took the cake.......

As soon as I walked into my INTRODUCTORY TO FRENCH class, the professor, one very French "Florence," proceeded to speak very quickly with a heavy accent ENTIRELY IN FRENCH. 

Thoughts to myself:

Am I in the wrong class?

WTH is she saying?

Please don't call on me. 

THIS IS INTRO TO FRENCH NOT FRENCH 211!

Oh what a day is today....

igbok

it's gonna be ok.

New obsession:

Perfection.

It has been quite the day, and the first day I really felt at home amongst all this crazy orange. 

Firsts today:

First time to eat in a cafeteria on campus.

First time to walk in Neyland Stadium. 

First time to sing the Alma Mater. 

First time oversleeping from a nap. 

And there were many seconds, too. 

A Monday, according to my iPhone:

So here's to happy Mondays, and exciting new things!

(Shout out to all my St Mark's loves who I miss dearly.)

"It's been a long year"

Move-in day was quite a day. 

Woke up before dawn to pack all the cars with my dad. 

Had coffee with my lovely friend Emily before she had to go to school.

Went to Tracie's for some hugs and consoling. 

Woke Lauren up by jumping on her bed. 

Packed the rest of my things.

Drove to Ktown on my own. 

Moved in earlier than the rest of my dorm. 

Went to dinner with my parents. 

Met my best friend Tanner. 

Skyped Emily with Imani.

and WENT TO SLEEP. 

Long days ahead. Many long days.

It is so strange to finally be here. I am officially living on campus. 

Is this really happening? 

It will definitely take some time to adjust. 

Before!

(After picture to come soon)

Mom and Pops. Workin' hard!

My sweet mother got me flowers for the dorm :) Adds some nice fresh color.

My best friend Tanner opening the encrypted code that is the Morrill Hall Mailbox Combination.

What hipsters. Falafel and couscous. 

Hello, college. Let's get to know each other a little better.

You have never been alone.

Goodbye everything I've ever known,

hello future.

.  .  .

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed." 

-Don Miller

Love remains the same

Thank you, Jeff Carl. Also check out Lonely Bird and I'll Be Gone Tomorrow.

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Today has been rather bittersweet. A day of goodbyes, but not of sorrows. It was my last day here in the 'boro, and I am mourning that more than than I ever thought I would. 

This morning began early. I met my dearest friend Shelby and her mother and sister on her way to the airport. California calls her name. It was more than glorious to see her smiling face, and we were sure to get in as many hugs as possible over a little breakfast. 

I love you, Shelby. 

They don't love you like I love you.

.  .  .

As the day progressed, it hit me a little more each time I saw something familiar. What a beautiful place to grow up. 

I met some of my friends from high school for lunch, to catch up and say our goodbyes. It is so strange that after all this time, all the dreaming and the planning, the worries, the applications, the stress, and the anticipation: this day has finally come. 

.  .  .

I got to have ice cream with my loveliest Lauren at our favorite: Sweet Cece's. Of course, we stayed and talked for almost two hours. Conversation comes so easily to true friends.

 And tonight I got to spend some quality time with my lovely Em: complete with a wild goose chase, some old school swinging, and of course plenty of laughs. What a beautiful young lady. This summer has been so special, with too many memories to count. We have traveled the globe and the 'boro together, holding each other up every step of the way. I will miss her smile, and I will miss her company. Thank you for sharing with me the most memorable and incredible summer of my life. 

I love you forever and a day. 

It is hard to believe that come tomorrow, I will be leaving. I can't even comprehend that reality. But these beautiful friends of mine remind me daily that no matter where we are, we will always be with one another. Life will change and hardships will come, but we will always have each other. It is comforting to know that no matter how long it has been, when we are together again it will be like we never left. 

.  .  .

"everything will change, but love remains the same."

They don't love you like I love you

As the routine of summer takes over, I wake up later and later every day. And I somehow forget how glorious early mornings feel. Waking up before the rest of the house, enjoying the sunrise, and the cool mist that settles on the fields on Thompson Lane. This morning I was pleasantly reminded of my favorite morning bliss. I rolled out of bed at 5:30 and met some very special friends for funny-face-syle, whipped-cream covered chocolate chip pancakes...

The five of us have earned the nickname "The Fab Five," over the years, and I couldn't love them more. We've grown up together our whole lives, through thick and thin. These lovely friends always make me laugh, and they give the best hugs around. Not to mention, we can throw down some serious impromptu karaoke (especially if it involves Marvin Gaye, Queen, or N Sync). Now that we are parting ways for college, I appreciate their friendship so much more. Many more reunions to come.

Lauren, we missed you this morning. Feel better soon. 

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Today was special for another reason as well. I happen to have TWO wonderful friends celebrating their birthdays on this, the tenth day of August. Justin- my goofball, trumpet-playing, too-tall, best-prom-date-ever friend is an adult today.

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And then there is the one and only Shelby, my lovely best friend and soul mate. Here is wishing you the happiest of birthdays and the most memorable of days. I get to see my dear friend in the morning, and I could not be happier!

They don't love you like I love you.

All the best along the way

Currently listening...

"It's time to let go

All the best along the way,

Couldn't I keep you another day?"

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     Today I had coffee with a lovely friend. Scheduling all my goodbyes has been a challenge, but it was so nice to see her smiling face and have a nice chat over some chai (made with my favorite: almond milk!) After a couple hours of catching up, we parted ways. I will truly miss her and her guidance. She is one strong and mighty spirit.
     And this evening I got to spend one more night with my favorite littles. These kids make me laugh and help me remember to take it easy every now and then. We had a delicious dinner, followed by my favorite summer treat: Sweet Cece's...

May the Lord bless you and keep you. 

May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. 

May the Lord lift his countenance upon you, 

and give you peace. 

Lost In My Mind

This song is the epitome of awesome. 

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I packed my first box today... and there are so many more to go. I thought I would start by packing things that make me comfortable. So in went the books. Mom and Dad got me a brand new, already-assembled bookshelf for my dorm, so I am bringing enough books to fill at least two of the shelves. They will go quite nicely with the lovely frame that Rebekah made for me. Only four days.... these are the times that try men's souls. Because obviously I am terrible at goodbyes. 

.  .  .

Tonight some of my favorite boys came over for the usual: Disney movies and delicious snacks. 

We watched Tangled. It was epic. And of course it was accompanied by popcorn and warm brownies and ice cream made my Patti herself.

Of course this was followed by some videos of Bernstein doing "the Bernstein dance" whilst conducting Candide and Academic overture.....

And what is a night of fun without a little karaoke Dubstep?

Win. 

I will miss these crazy guys so much.